Classics: 4 Questions to Help You Refresh Your Personal Brand: Show Notes & Transcript

Post | Jan 14, 2025

Welcome back to Strategic Counsel by ForthRight Business! Looking for Marketing Smarts? You’re in the right place. After almost 4 years of helping to make you savvier marketers, we decided to broaden this podcast to include more business-oriented topics that will make you savvier business leaders.

In this episode, we’re talking critical questions to refresh your personal brand. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and your other favorite podcast spots – follow and leave a 5-star review if you’re exercising your Strategic Counsel!

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Strategic Counsel: Classics: 4 Questions to Help You Refresh Your Personal Brand

New Year, New You! We all know the flood of trends, and usually tricks, to overhaul our lives that come with a new year. Resolutions tend to fail because people look for a quick fix and try unsustainable methods to make big changes in a short amount of time. The way to make sure your resolutions translate to true, lasting life impact is by addressing them in context of your Personal Brand. We discuss 4 questions for doing just that. Here’s a small sample of what you will hear in this episode:

Anne and April’s relationship to body image
How to get people invested in your projects and organization?
What is keeping you from your goals?
How often should you be networking?
What are some tips for holding myself accountable?

And as always, if you need Strategic Counsel, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at: ForthRight-People.com.

Check out the episode, show notes, and transcript below:

Show Notes

Classics: 4 Questions to Help You Refresh Your Personal Brand
- [00:01] Welcome to Strategic Counsel
- [00:56] New year, fresh start
- [1:52] What is something you want that has been eluding you?
- [3:19] Why do you want this?
- [5:15] Getting to the underlying desire
- [8:55] Be clear on what you want, and open with how it unfolds
- [10:15] What are the consistent themes that show up that move me towards or away from my goals?
- [15:22] An example of the nuances you need to be aware of
- [17:35] Does my physical appearance need a refresh?
- [19:28] The tendency to hide everything
- [21:38] COVID-19 might have made it a bit too casual for the office
- [25:01] Your appearance and your psyche
- [25:16] Have I been building transactional or emotional relationships?
- [28:57] The ideal cadence to network
- [30:53] How to make people feel more invested in your work, organization, or project?
- [32:15] Recapping the 4 questions
- In-the-Trenches
- [33:39] Getting a meaningful answer to what’s eluding me?
- [41:50] Tips for holding myself accountable?
- [49:06] What do I do when there are others holding me back?
- [58:08] What are you focusing on in cultivating your personal brand?
- [01:04:38] What’s actually important in the moment?
- [01:06:22] How to use the hardship of the past year?
- [01:07:15] What are counter triggers?
- [01:12:23] What experience would you want?
- [1:14:47] Make sure to follow Strategic Counsel on your favorite podcast spot and leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts
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Transcript

Please note: this transcript is not 100% accurate.

00:01
Welcome to the Strategic Counsel by Forthright Business podcast. If you’re looking for honest, direct, and unconventional conversations on how to successfully lead and operate in business, you are in the right place. In our discussions, we push on the status quo and traditional modes of thinking to reveal a fresh perspective. This unlocks opportunity for you, your team, and your business. Now let’s get to it.

00:29
Welcome to the Strategic Counsel podcast. I am Anne Candido. And I am April Martini. And today we’re bringing back one of our marketing smarts episodes that’s relevant at the start of every new year. And that is four questions to help you refresh your personal brand. This was originally recorded in 2022, but if anything, the focus on this topic has become even more a part of the work we do for our clients and for ourselves as well. Spoiler alert.

00:56
We even have a book coming out on this topic later this year, so stay tuned for that. This episode sets the foundation for some deep reflection and action items that will set you off on the right path for 2025. So, let’s get to it. It’s a new year, which means it’s definitely time to think about your personal brand, especially if you’ve been letting it slack a bit while on the COVID fog. And you can call these New Year’s resolutions, but unless they’re tied to a goal that will truly change your life.

01:24
they can feel arbitrary, which is why gyms are packed in January and February and then back to normal by March. So let’s take advantage of everyone’s tendency to make a fresh start, but let’s do it in a productive way that will deliver meaningful and consistent impact throughout the entire year. I feel like we should say cheers. Cheers. We say cheers all the time. And with that, let’s get into four questions to help you refresh your personal brand for 2022.

01:52
All right, the first question, what is something I want that has been eluding me? This question really sets the focus for cultivating your personal brand. It also, on the other side of the coin, provides a motivating why for going through the effort to begin with. So the objective here is to articulate the something, I say something in air quotes, in terms of a goal that will have a true, meaningful impact, which means it can’t be arbitrary. So let’s break this down a bit.

02:20
So common responses we hear to what is something I want that’s been eluding me are things like a promotion, a romantic relationship, popularity, either for myself or my business, money for myself or my business, maybe a new business opportunity, or a new better looking body, right? It’s a very common one. It’s the big one. We’re gonna talk about that one a lot today. So insert whatever yours is in here, it’s gonna work, and think about that in the context of everything that we talk about here in this episode.

02:50
But in order to understand if this is a sufficient enough motivator for change, you need to ask yourself, why do I want this? And this is a question that not a lot of us ask ourselves, right? Then when you ask you, you want to really consider and evaluate the answer and whether the answer is actually motivating enough for you to change. You may have to ask why a couple of times. So for example, when I was at P&G and R&D, I was dying to get promoted. It was my sole focus about what was eluding me.

03:19
The only thing I thought about is the only thing I talk about. But then when somebody actually asked me back, why are you so focused on getting promoted? When I thought about it, I realized it was actually for two reasons. One was I felt like I wasn’t keeping pace with my peers. That’s a big one. But most importantly, I figured the increased level would give me more of a voice. Always a common misconception. We talk about this a lot. But when I looked around, and this is why April’s laughing,

03:49
those at the next level didn’t even have like a voice, let alone more of a voice. In fact, they seemed pretty sandwiched in that middle miniature level, where they’re getting squeezed from both sides. So they didn’t have the expertise from the lower level to provide that perspective. And they weren’t high enough to actually like dictate or provide strategy. Tough place to be. It is a totally tough place to be. And instantly I realized I didn’t actually really want that job. So I could give up this feeling that I needed to keep pace with my peers, which…

04:18
is actually very easier said than done, what opened up for me? And ultimately what eluded me became something different, which was having more of a voice, which didn’t let me into the brand sector, communications, influence, or marketing, which is where I could see within the company that if I wanted to have a voice, I could go to. Ironically, when I went there, I didn’t get promoted for another six years. So I had to…

04:45
I would totally give up that as well, but I was happier and more fulfilled because I actually had a voice. Mm-hmm. So this is something that you really need to consider as you’re thinking about these, like, straight-out, like, outcome-based goals, if you will, that are part of your New Year’s resolution, that it feels like if I was that, if I was there, if I was in this context, if this was different, everything would be different around you. And instead, ask…

05:15
Why do I want that? Because it’s going to get to the more of that underlying thing that you actually really, really do want. You’ve already just condensed it in your head and skipped a couple steps to think that that is actually what you want, which actually what you want is something that might be totally different. Yeah, I think that’s totally true. And I’ll give a couple examples of my own here, the first of which was also promotion related.

05:39
I really badly wanted to become a VP at the last agency I was at. I mean, from the moment I got there, it was my goal and that was what I wanted. And I mean, I worked tirelessly. I did everything that was asked of me, you know, and like we’ve talked about before in agency life, sometimes the asks can be a little bit all over the place and there isn’t an actual if you do this, you will get there, right? And so I was working so hard at that. And then I remember literally the day that I got it.

06:08
I was in a meeting with the other VPs and I was like, this is it? Yeah. And I just was like so disenchanted by the whole thing. And so it did cause me to then ask, you know, not just what’s been alluding me because I was just like so like tunnel vision focused on that, but then the more questions of why, you know, like why did I so badly want to get to that level? And what actually I was able to uncover was

06:37
I really wanted to build something of my own. Yeah. And I think in my head, getting to that level was getting the allowance to do so. And it did coincide with the ask to build this or the allowance to build a strategy team, which I’d been asking for since I got there. And then also the promotion to VP kind of happened at the same time. So they were packaged together, I guess. But once I switched my focus from…

07:05
yay, I got to be a VP to know actually what’s gonna be fulfilling is actually building that team. It reoriented the title thing in my mind in like a totally different way. It just, it kind of completely fell off as being of any importance to me as far as roles were concerned. And so that was number one. And then number two was, and I’ve talked about this before, was building my own business then. So I built the team there and then I left to build my own business. And…

07:33
I thought that that was gonna be the thing, right? Creating my own schedule, having my own way, not having 14 people report to me, having some breathing space, being able to do things the way I felt like they were best done, all that stuff. And I honestly thought it was gonna take a couple of years to get there. Well, within the first year, I was already there. And I kinda looked up one day and thought, again,

07:57
this is it. And so that time I realized that was something I really needed to listen to hard. And so I didn’t know what the answer was. And we’ve talked about this before where Anne was very focused on finding a business partner. And I was just focused on what is my next thing out there. And so that’s when we came together. But the impetus that started all that was, I kind of was like, okay, I don’t know, like for the first time in a while, what the next thing looks like. So what I’m going to do is go on like a

08:27
seeking journey, right, which for me translated to don’t turn down any meetings that you’re asked to participate in this year, coffees, you know, whatever. I was constantly being hit up for networking. Take them all and really pay attention when you do because the answer is going to be in there somewhere. Yeah, I think that’s a really good suggestion, especially since it led you to me. Oh, geez. Okay. Yeah. But outside of that. But outside of that, still a really good suggestion.

08:55
And that’s because it’s the openness of having a very clear thing that you want, but then making it open with regards to how it’s going to happen or how it could realize itself. And that’s so incredibly important because, like we said, when you get fixated on what you think it’s supposed to look like, that’s the only thing you can see, right? It’s the only thing you can see. And then when you get there, you get that feeling of like, huh.

09:24
this is what I’ve been working for, it’s because you’re not paying attention to what the underlying thing is that you think is going to make you happy by getting there. So you keep saying, when I get here, when I get to that point where I make this much money, or when I get to this amount of years in the company, or when I have this much experience, or after I get this training, it’s like always after, after, after. But usually that’s because you’re in pursuit of chasing something versus just kind of realizing.

09:50
in the moment, okay, what is it that I need in order to make me feel fulfilled that is actually eluding me? And that could look like a multiple different things. Well, yeah, and it’s just easier to say, I’m going for the next promotion, I’m going for this job, I’m doing, you know. Yeah, because that’s structured as somebody else to set up. It’s a thing, yeah, exactly. So yeah, it’s more visible and tangible, right? All right, the second question to help you refresh your personal brand for 2022. What are the consistent themes that show up that move me towards or away from my goals? April.

10:19
And notice we didn’t say, are there things that move me toward or away from my goals? So whether you’re moving toward your goals or not, there are consistent behaviors and actions at play that do stem from your characteristics. All this language should be familiar by now because we’ve talked about them ad nauseam as far as personal brand is concerned. But the exercise here is to recognize what they are.

10:41
And in order to do that, you really need to reflect back on your last couple of weeks or months and think about the interactions with others that went well or not so well. In either case, we would bet that your success or lack thereof is based on how you made people feel in those situations. The most important thing to recognize is that in achieving your goals and dreams, you need other people to be able to do it. So when you’re thinking about themes…

11:10
Think about the themes in the way that you made those people feel. And remember, we’ve said this before, it doesn’t matter if you’re right or justified or you intended for them to feel that way, their perception is their reality, so you have to be mindful of the perception you are creating. But this is a place to take advantage of this time of year where people are likely taking vacations at the end of the year, getting separation from companies, and you naturally come back.

11:37
clearer and hopefully more appreciative and ready to get started in the new year. So what we want you to do is make this an active time for yourself. Engage in what is going on in your brain. Like I said before, participating in things but then also being really aware in the situations or the feelings you’re having or why you’re choosing to reflect on those certain things. All of that is a really good way for you to pay attention to what’s going on in your brain and then taking advantage.

12:07
of the time of year where we literally reset the calendar and start anew, it’s a good spot to be able to put things into proper perspective so you can get to what are those things that you’re looking for. Some of the examples of themes we’ve seen when people are moving toward their goals, always treating people with respect, thinking about the bigger picture, not just their part in it, always teaching, being good listeners.

12:32
looking for solutions versus just pointing out problems and whining and wanting to know other people as people, not just people on a screen or coworkers or that sort of thing. On the other side, some examples of themes we’ve seen when people are not moving toward their goals are only thinking about themselves, being overly direct or snarky or condescending or making people feel stupid or bad.

12:58
mandating or micromanaging without context, being really out of touch, having transactional engagements versus ones that are really meaningful, or bad behavior that just in general brings everybody down with them. Yeah, and those are really good themes to pay attention because we guarantee you at least have one of them if not multiple of them, both on the ways that are moving you towards your goals and

13:25
ways that are moving you’re not towards your goals. And the way we know that is because April and I have them and everybody that we come into contact has something related to that. And that’s why we say that just to say it’s okay. There’s no shame in it. There’s no, nothing that you should feel bad about it. There’s nothing to say that there’s something wrong with me. It is a, as you said, April, a really great way to just to reflect and acknowledge, hey, there’s just some things are just not working well. And there’s actually some things I’m doing really well that I should capitalize more on.

13:55
This is about being, as we like to say, workshopping yourself to some extent. It makes it feel more like a project and to feel like I’m doing some personal therapy or I have to kind of fix myself or anything. It’s not about fixing. Like we said, your characteristics are neither good or bad. It’s just your tendencies and your behaviors and actions are either moving you away or moving you towards your goals. And you need to think about it in both contexts. So swallow the pride a little bit. Don’t feel shame.

14:23
It’s gonna feel very vulnerable. You’re gonna feel a little kind of like weird thinking through it, but I promise you that once you start realizing this, acknowledging it, writing it down, really being cognizant of it is very easy to fix. But you have to be aware of it and you have to acknowledge it and you have to take responsibility for your actions, your behaviors, and not blaming others and the reason why you’re acting like this in order to be able to make some really concrete and systemic changes.

14:52
Yeah, and I think too, like sometimes the ones that are hardest to find don’t even fall in the positive or not so positive camp. They’re like nuances that you know about yourself. And I think that that is where that reflection becomes really important because it’s stuff that like your best friend might notice, right? But it’s not stuff that is detrimental or in any way positive or harmful based on the situation. I’ll give an example of this.

15:22
When I find myself being annoyed by the like super nitty gritty details of things like producing a website, right? Like it’s one of the projects that we do and I do and I’ve managed PM’d tons of them. They’re just not my favorite, right? And so there are times where I, my tendency is to over communicate, give all the details, make sure I’m

15:51
crystal clear when I am writing emails, like all of that kind of stuff, right? And the websites are one place where I have to really like hold myself to that and remind myself of that so that I don’t just kind of like phone it in and give like, hey guys, here’s a list of stuff we need to do without the context, for example, or get really transactional with my email and not…

16:15
say like, you know, I realize maybe these details seem kind of crazy at this point and we should have addressed them by now, but here’s what we need to do, right? And so I have to make sure that I’m giving the respect to the process and to the team that’s doing the work, even when I’m not as jazzed about the work that’s going on. Yep. And I’ll give an example too, which is I had somebody tell me once coming out of a meeting that

16:40
they really appreciate when I was in a meeting because I said everything that they wish they could say. Which of course at first initially I was like very proud of but then I was like, oh, well that probably means maybe I shouldn’t have said some of the things I did say. And what kind of reaction did that have on the other end? And then I found out like, if you kind of like tally it all up, I was probably a net negative versus a net positive, even that that person thought I walked on water. But it was not probably the right person to.

17:06
I walked on water at that moment, that actually was going to move me towards my goals. I actually needed those other people who were a little bit more miffed and put off by what I had to say to be more inclined to my point of view and to my thoughts than that person happened to be in the moment. So also be careful of like displaced flattery and make sure that the flattery is like in the right place because that made me feel really good.

17:35
after I contemplated it, I was like, probably like a back end of feedback. Yeah. Not, you know, in a way that was like, not intended that way, but yeah. So pay attention to those things too, because sometimes those things in those tendencies and those themes have a way of kind of showing up, as you said, in a kind of an unusual way. So the third question to help you refresh your personal brand for 2022 is, does my physical appearance need a refresh? All right.

18:04
So we’re gonna talk about body image, right? That big one, like we said. You’re probably like, okay, when is this part happening? So we’re gonna address it. But recall the very first question that we talked about about what is eluding you. And what I really want to state here is that we don’t have enough willpower, nobody has enough willpower, to push through an arbitrary goal, especially something like losing weight. If it does not have a meaningful impact to motivate you.

18:29
Now, if you went through that question and you’re able to get through the why and you found that motivating impact, great, go for it. But whether or not you have it or you haven’t, you really need to learn to appreciate your body and treat it accordingly. And this is that appearance part of our personal brand, which is so very important. And we’ve talked about the physical and the verbal. I’m focusing on the physical here just for this question, all right? And because in the new year, this is always a big thing. Exactly. And the reason why it’s so important to really kind of

18:59
get to the bottom of this one is because the biggest way you can improve your body image more than like sweating off like a couple of pounds at the gym is by accepting your body for what it is and then actually treating it right. Right. And that can mean like learning how to dress yourself appropriately as that’s the huge one. And we see this happen a lot when we talk about physical appearance things and we consult on this and we dress people for events and this sorts of things. This is a big thing that we tell our clients. Right.

19:28
is usually a big aha for them. Because a tendency is usually like to hide everything. Like I’m gonna go very baggy to hide everything. And that’s usually not the way that you wanna go. Virtually every body, and I haven’t found a body yet, needs to have clothes that fit appropriately, not just bag or hang, in order for you to feel and look like the stylish maven that you wanna look and feel like, right? So for example, for me, like, because of my body,

19:58
my body shape so I’m short, busty, and curvy. And as Meghan Trainor say, ain’t no size two, I can shake it, shake it. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, thank you. I’m cringing, but okay. I know, but she’s gonna love it. So a 20 pound difference is really, it made me a size for me, maybe even half a size. It just goes in a bunch of different places. So losing a lot of weight doesn’t really change the way I look at it. So I could go and I could sweat it off 20 pounds in the gym and I might drop a size.

20:27
So I had to learn how to dress myself for my body type because nothing changed about the way my busty, my curve, I’m short, none of that changes. This requires really good advice from trusted people. So it’s either friends, family, a stylist, whoever you’re gonna be able to trust to give it to you straight. It also required research into body types that are similar to mine and what those people look good in. So if I was reading through magazines, I was seeing people on the street, I was just.

20:55
studying people. I’m like, oh yeah, she looks like me. I like how she had the like the the fitted top and then it kind of flows at the bottom. I think I could look good in that. So really pay attention to that sort of thing. And you know that can be really hard because sometimes it feels like you know you um well it could be a very big test and learn obviously.

21:16
and you’re trying things on and they don’t work. You try things on and it don’t work, but that’s the way to kind of find what actually does work. So you’ll have to just kind of put that stuff aside, the shaming aside, and actually focus on what’s gonna work well for your body. And maybe too, with COVID working from home environment, you’ve gotten a little too casual now and it’s time to go back into the office, all right? So you might need to do a little bit of spruce up. Get a really good haircut. Get a good hair color. Get your nails done. I got my nails done today. Get a facial.

21:45
Get some new makeup or a makeup regimen. Maybe treat yourself to some Botox because you have those creases now from frowning at your computer screen for like the last two years. I mean, seriously, I have that. I’m considering it. I really am. Oh, geez. But it’s not vain or extravagant to want to look your best, especially if you’re doing it to bolster your confidence. It can totally, totally, totally change your attitude. Okay, so I agree with that, generally speaking, but in any case. Which part do you not? The make and train a part?

22:13
Meghan Trainor is still in my head. I can do it. And I have to be, you know, now that’s tied to my personal brand too and now I can’t get the song out of my head. Anyway, so for me, and for every woman and most men if we’re being really honest, physical appearance is a huge thing, right? And so I’ll say it’s the same exact way for me in all the ways and things that Anne mentioned.

22:40
And I think one of the ways that I wasn’t paying attention to during COVID specifically was the impact of the COVID, wear some sweatpants all day long, was really having on me from an emotional perspective because I tie a lot of my self-worth to the way that I show up physically. And all those things that Ann said, I mean, we couldn’t go get our nails done. You couldn’t die. I mean, you-

23:08
could box dye your hair, but you know, like there was just, never, you know, I did that enough as a college student ruined my hair and will never touch another box dye. But in any case, so there was, there were a lot of things that we could not manage. And so I think a lot of us fell into kind of this slump, right? And so I remember the very first time that we went out to dinner as a family to the boathouse, which is regular tradition for my family.

23:36
that things were open again and we could actually go. And we even were sitting in a private room so we could all eat together because my family is so large, right? And so I was all in. I mean, I did the kids up super cute. Sam had gel in his hair. Mia had braids. And for myself, I mean, I did the full face of makeup. I did my hair really nicely. I picked out just an outfit that I was really proud of. And I took a picture of us and I posted it online. And…

24:06
This girl that I just feel like is one of those natural beauties, right? Where you’re like, I kind of hate you, but I also aspire to be you. You know, that whole thing. She posted on the picture, and for once it wasn’t about the cuteness of my kids, so that’s a win in and of itself. But it was very directed at me, and it was, you know, you look so beautiful and so happy, you know, good on you. Or something like that, right? And so that’s why that day has kind of like stuck in my head of-

24:33
That’s important to me. Like the kudos from her was nice too, but it was like, remember that this really is a tie to you and it’s important to you to feel good in your skin. So even if you pick a random day and you just do your makeup because, like I started to have to do things like that during COVID to make myself feel like myself. Yeah, I think that’s a really good point. I had to schedule and wearing jeans a couple of days a week too. Yes, yes. It’s not like, you know, showing up in the sweatpants.

25:01
It does have a play on your psyche, right? Yeah, it totally does. I feel like, you know, if you’re not ready, if you’re not actually ready. Ready, yeah. I think that’s a really good point. All right, the fourth question to help you refresh your personal brand for 2022 is, have I been building transactional or emotional relationships? April, why don’t you take this one? Sure. So…

25:21
As we mentioned earlier, you need other people to achieve your goals and dreams, right? We had the whole discussion already about perception and how people perceive you and what that means and the fact that you can’t just succeed solely on your own. So that’s part of this, but even more than that, emotional relationships are the key to having people invest and be motivated, quite frankly, to support us. And…

25:46
Because their perception is that reality, you have to convey the right perception. But because we were hiding behind computers and we weren’t talking to people face to face, that kind of flat interaction, if you will, caused a lot of us to revert to those transactional relationships. Because sometimes, quite frankly, for me included, those people didn’t really seem real, right? And so…

26:15
It really was the impetus for all of us to be more human, be more conscientious in the way we’re interacting, and push for things that are so natural when you’re actually in person to be part of our culture overall. So when we talk about communicating on a human level, we mean things like finding ways.

26:35
to casually engage that then build a rapport that’s more than just that transaction. So like we said naturally, you know, if you went to get your cup of coffee in the morning at the office, think about how many people you encountered on that short journey and who you might’ve chit-chatted with while theirs was brewing before yours or they were preparing their breakfast in the kitchen or whatever. They’re impromptu run-ins and there are reasons to just check in and say hi that just happen. And we’re not…

27:04
saying you’re preparing an agenda or you wait until the person you really feel like you need to connect with for your career is in the kitchen. That’s not what we’re talking about here. It’s just the fact that that used to happen a lot more naturally than it does today. And so, you know, you might need to set up a Zoom lunch or, you know, go outside and walk with people. That was a big thing for me was my husband and I walked all the time when we were, you know, during COVID we were both working from home and the fresh air I think was needed for both of us.

27:31
You just, you might have to be a little bit more creative about how these things go, but just recognize that building emotional relationships creates value beyond just, okay, I’m making an impression on this person. It’s what you say, it’s how you say it, and then it’s how you continue to show up in front of them so that they start to build that perception that we’ve talked about. So taking the extra time, taking the extra minute, thinking about it, making it top of mind, and even if you are back in person,

28:01
repracticing those skills because I’ve seen it where even people that are now back in the real world, you’re still watching the adjustment happen, whether it’s we’re masked in certain situations so we don’t feel compelled to interact or we just got out of practice from doing it for all that time. I will give an example from the Forthright People team. For us, we don’t have a physical office space, which we’ve talked about on here before.

28:28
But over the course of this past year, we have brought on two people that help us facilitate a lot of the work that we’re doing and are doing work on our behalf. And so we both manage them depending on what the work looks like, but I take on the role of really overseeing them from that relational aspect. So one of the things that I have implemented and that I think is just really, really important is getting on the phone for 30 minutes.

28:57
Ideally every week, sometimes it moves to every other week, but actually speaking to the person on the phone and checking in. And quite honestly, the first half of those are more personal conversation. Or like this week, both of those folks were asking me about our trip to Scottsdale last week and how did it go? And I saw the communications coming through, so it seems like you guys were successful with your business planning, but looking for more insight, right? And I think while, if you were listening in, you might be like,

29:26
why the heck, and on a 30 minute call, is she, quote unquote, wasting 15 minutes chit chatting with these people? But I actually think that’s the most important part of the interaction, because they’ve come to work with and for Anne and me for different reasons, but they wanna be part of our team. And so I believe we owe it to them to make them part of the team, but also for me, and I’ve talked about this on the show before, I very much need those emotional connections to people.

29:56
I can’t do the transactional stuff well. It is just not in my DNA. And so what happens for me is if I start to think about them as just people behind the computer, then I get really in this weird zone where everything I’m sending them feels very cold and that’s not what they know of me. And so then they jump to things like, is she mad at me or are things just too crazy or whatever. And that’s not what I want to.

30:26
and it’s not good for me or for them. So just a personal example of how I think emotional relationships and then the consistency of the relationship is just more important than pretty much anything else, especially when you think about it through the lens of your personal brand. You brought up a really good point in the fact that emotional relationships are based on how you make people feel. Yeah. Right, so if you are just focusing on that transactional piece, then

30:53
you’re gonna get the transactional actions back. And usually it’s like, I ask, they give. They don’t usually give any more than that. They don’t try to see beyond that. They don’t try to like, well, what do she makes you really want her to? There’s no like other element of that. You ask, they give. When you build that emotional relationship like you’ve been doing and investing in actually understanding people as people, people feel more invested overall into whatever is the project, the work, the organization.

31:21
And that makes them feel part of something. Yes, exactly. And so then when you ask something of them, they’re like, oh, well, she asked for this, but I have some other ideas. And it makes them feel a little bit more engaged in everything that’s going on. So really, really pay attention to your past. And say, look back over the last couple of months and see, have your reactions become more transactional, especially because of the Zoom.

31:47
element of it where you feel like you have to say everything very short, very quick, very to the point. Everybody kind of looks the same because it’s the democratization of the Zoom box, right? So again, I don’t feel like people people and even if you try to like kind of engage people back in, it feels a little inauthentic. So kind of see if you kind of got into that mode a little bit. And then also share more of yourself too. Yeah. I mean, that’s the other part of this is that you can’t expect other people to

32:15
be engaged with you if you’re not willing to share of yourself, whether that’s your time, whether or not that’s your wisdom, your thoughts, teaching, giving context, sharing what’s going on in your life, be open to that and spend the time and invest the time to do that. Absolutely. All right, so just to recap, four questions to help you refresh your personal brand for 2022. First, what is something I want that has been alluding me?

32:43
This sets the focus for cultivating your personal brand. It also, on the other side of the coin, provides a motivating why for going through the effort. Second, what are the consistent themes that show up that moves me towards or away from my goals? Whether you’re moving towards your goals or not, there are consistent behaviors and actions at play that stem from your characteristics. Find out what these are. Does my physical appearance need a refresh? You need to learn to appreciate your body and treat it accordingly.

33:11
Have I been building transactional or emotional relationships? Remember, we need others to achieve our goals and dreams. And emotional relationships are the key to this because we need people invested and motivated in supporting us. All right, our next segment is the in the trenches segment where we give real world examples specific to industries and situations, but with broad application so anybody can take them, digest them and put them into action right away. First in the trenches question, I am really struggling to get a meaningful answer to the question of.

33:39
What is something that I want that has been eluding me? Help, please. All right, so April and I are gonna tag team this one, so I’m gonna start it, but we both have some examples of this, I think that’s gonna help. So another way of getting to a meaningful answer to the question is why don’t I have it? All right, so this means getting really real. So if we thought we were getting real before, we’re gonna get very real now. So let’s test this out with a few of the common responses. So we’ll go back to our…

34:07
Our favorite is I want a better body, right? So when you answer, why don’t I have it? So why don’t you have a better body? You may say, well, I don’t eat, right? I don’t exercise enough, or maybe I drank too much wine. Right, but these are all very surface level. And this is where people usually stop and they try to use their willpower to get their way through it and try to figure out, well, I maybe just need another diet. I just need a different exercise program or I need to reduce my wine drinking.

34:36
But the reality of why you don’t have it is generally something that you actually are having trouble to admit. Like, I’m an emotional eater, or I’m addicted to sugar. That was my issue. I was addicted to sugar. I had to really address it. That was a hard thing for me to address. Maybe you don’t like the gym, or I need my wine to cope with everything that’s going on. And really, if you actually thought about it and you kind of weighed in on those skills, all of these things probably outweigh the desire for a better body, right? And you know what?

35:06
That is totally okay. You shouldn’t beat yourself up over it. But you could alter the answer again to something that creates more opportunity to create a meaningful impact that might move you more closely towards that goal. So for example, what is eluding you could be healthy food options that still taste great so you don’t feel like I’m dieting. It’s a different way of thinking just about the fact that I just don’t eat right, quote unquote. So I hate it, everybody’s like, you need to eat more vegetables. I don’t like vegetables. So give me another choice.

35:35
or an exercise program I enjoy. That was a big one for me too, because I was getting really tired of running. I was getting really tired of the gym grind. And so I wanted something else that I felt like was gonna keep me active. And so I got into walking. I got into speed walking. That’s when I listened to my books on tape and podcasts. And I’ll tell you, walking is better than not running. Right?

35:57
Easier on your body too. Yeah, well easier on my body, but it’s better like I… And sitting on the couch. My choice was like running or not running. Like if I wasn’t gonna run, I wasn’t gonna do anything. So it’s better to walk than not run. And I can’t really think of one for wine. I’m being real honest here. I’m being a little bit of a hypocrite if I was trying to think of like how to reframe the wine one. I’m like, it’s just something everybody has advice. It’s just, yeah, it’s just my advice. It is what it is. Yeah, so April.

36:24
What about you? You got one to address this? Of course. I mean, again, we’ve said every woman and every person, I feel like, is critical on physically how they are showing up. Even those that are the most confident, I feel like, everyone has their things, right? And so for me, how I look and how fit I am at any given time ties a lot into what goes on in my brain, both from a…

36:49
I need to wear my brain out, quote unquote, by working out where my brain is going along with me as I run and I’m working things through in my head. But then also just where, how I feel about how I’m showing up physically ties very much into my emotional feelings about myself as well. And so honestly, this can go to a very dark place sometimes. And so I think to Anne’s point about with this one of making a general goal of things like I need to lose weight.

37:19
right, that doesn’t actually do any good for anybody. And I think for me, I’m a hypercritical person in general. I’m even more hypercritical of myself. And so I have trouble letting go of things like right now, my youth, right? So I’m turning 40 next year. And so things just aren’t the same as they were when I’m 20. But if I’m still chasing the 20 year old me, which I think a lot of us do, and I quite frankly do,

37:47
I require a reset in my mind of, okay, that is a completely unrealistic goal because you’re not 20 anymore. And in fact, you’re 20 years older than 20. And so think about it through that lens, right? And so I’ve been trying to be kinder to myself in total, but also allowing the world around me to remind me of the things that are good about me.

38:09
so that I can think about it more from that lens and then tackle something as like a little problem that I’m trying to chip away at instead of making it my entire identity. So I will say number one, again, admitting that I’m gonna be 40 and the fact that I have had two kids and I, yes, I drink more wine than I did when I was 20 because I have a whole lot more stress in my life than I did then.

38:34
These are all things that I need to identify and own about myself, but then also use the people around me to, and actually listen to the compliments when they happen, because that’s something that I’ve realized tied to myself in total. I’m terrible at taking compliments. I can’t even choke out a thank you most of the time. And so my husband said something to me recently that has stuck in my head around, the thing that I’ve always loved about you is your confidence, and it’s what attracts other people to you. You just give this.

39:03
feeling of I got it together and I’m gonna handle it and you bring that energy and you’ll tackle anything and that’s when you’re at your best. On the other hand when you start focusing on the physical stuff like well I’m still running the same miles, but I don’t look the same or you know maybe I need to stop running so many miles and do something else quite frankly or you know if I eat too much pizza in a given week with the kids like there’s all those things right and he’s like that’s where I see the negative self-talk coming in.

39:30
And so he’s like, I think you need to think about how we all think about you. And remember that that’s actually who you are to the point about that reception, right? Or that perception rather, so that you can see yourself through our eyes instead of focusing on things that are more negative.

39:49
And one of the things, and I’ll put Ann on blast here from our trip last week, but she has constantly been annoyed with me that I never wear shorts. It’s just like totally not my thing. I don’t like them. I don’t feel comfortable in them. I don’t even know why, but so we’re in Arizona of all places. And so I come out and it’s chilly in the morning, right? To go on our walk and she’s like, oh, for the love of God, if ever you’re gonna wear shorts, you’re not gonna wear them in Arizona. And I was like, they’re just not my thing. And she’s like,

40:16
Okay, so let me get this straight. You spend all this time running. You have runners legs, yet you never show them to anyone. And so like that’s stuck in my head too, of like, right? Don’t focus on like, oh, I ran less miles this week, or the running isn’t doing the same thing. Like think about the benefit that it brings you in total, not when I used to run at 20, I used to look and feel like this. Yeah, that’s a really good point, and I did say that. Yeah.

40:45
But I think that was a really good example. And I think this really applies to everything that you might be thinking of with regards to it’s eluding you. So if a romantic relationship is something that’s been eluding you, it’s the same thing. The physical is easy, because we all know what that looks like. Right, it’s the same question of why don’t I have it? And you need to think about what it is about what you might be doing, not who you are in that way, not your characteristics, not that like, you’re not lovable and nothing like, it’s not that, but it’s like,

41:15
are you actually going out to meet people? Where are you meeting people? Are you trying to meet people at bars? Are you trying to, like, you know, so- Are you putting yourself out there? You know, are you feeling good about yourself so that you can put yourself out there? Are you giving people a shot? I mean, so think about all those things in relation to this question. Don’t go to, like you said, the dark place and the negative place of like, oh, there’s something bad about me. Which is where people usually go with this. So-

41:42
Think about other situational, contextual things that may be at play here that you can make immediate changes to and dramatically change your destiny here. Yep, absolutely. Our second in the trenches question, I have a really hard time holding myself accountable. Any tips for this? So I’m gonna start with this one. I know April has a ton of examples too. So the first thing that I tell people,

42:09
is to set milestones and reward yourself for reaching those milestones. It is so important to celebrate the victories, even small ones, because they help us to mark progress. It also puts off a little dopamine hit in your brain that says, I am making progress. And you feel good about that. So then you can go to the next level, because otherwise we get stuck in the day-to-day grind and we just feel it like it’s grueling. We’re just kind of being like going through the murk and we’re trying to.

42:36
hopefully somebody kind of pulls this out from the other side. So you have to set milestones so that you can know what success looks like in your head, document what it looks like in your head, and then mark successes as you’re going along, right? So these could be daily milestones, they could be weekly milestones, you set the timing. The other side of that is not to shame yourself for not meeting your milestones, right? So this is what happens a ton, especially when we set our quote unquote New Year’s resolutions, right? We fail.

43:04
Right and then we’re like, well, that’s it. That was a bad idea or I suck at that. What’s the point? Right we get we go into that negative space where we just feel like it was just not even worth it to begin with So what we say is use that time again to ask yourself. Well, why did I fail? Were my expectations unrealistic? Did I think I was gonna lose 20 pounds in a week and it didn’t happen? Okay, is the path different than what I thought did I expect to get the promotion tomorrow and it’s actually gonna take two years

43:34
Is this something I truly want? I mean, we’ve had that conversation already today. Have some grace, but don’t let yourself off the hook. Don’t just be like, oh, I failed, it’s over. Or don’t just fail and not try to learn anything from it. And the other thing with regards to that is just stop blaming other people or the circumstances for why you’re failing, right? So notice that all these questions we’re posing, notice that everything that we’ve been saying is all reflection about yourself.

44:02
Like what I said, are my expectations are realistic? Is the path different than I thought? All you’re trying to do is you’re trying to gauge and get like a reality check of like, what is the situation going on? Now that you put data out into the system, all right? So you’re kind of testing and learning. You’re putting data out. You’re kind of seeing how everything is going. You’re kind of see things from a little bit of a different perspective. You get new data. You get new feedback. You have to come back and kind of recalibrate that and then kind of figure out, well, where do I want to go next? And it’s totally okay to

44:30
change up your milestones, to extend your timelines. As long as you’re feeling you’re being accountable for yourself and that you are making progress in a way that you feel fulfilled by it. Yeah, and I think too that piece about failure and milestones, I think, and this is really hard for me, so I’m speaking from experience, but we’re not perfect.

44:55
And so if you set a milestone and you fall off for a day or a couple of days or whatever, you really shouldn’t perceive that as total failure because you’ve made other progress up to that point, right? And so it takes a while to reset habits or train yourself to do new things or learn new skills, or you know, especially if you’re trying to achieve something that’s really big, it’s not gonna be perfect. And so the whole thing I think about letting yourself off the hook, it’s like, it’s just a cop out at that point.

45:23
focus on the stuff that you did that was good against it, say, all right, like this happened, I’m admitting it, and then I’m going back to my original plan, and just know that those types of things are gonna happen. And I mean, I am the queen of the all or nothing approach. Like, it’s just, I am, and I always have been, and you know, it’s been comments throughout my life of like, you try to cram too much in, you take on too much, you sign yourself up for things that you shouldn’t, like, you know, all this type of stuff, and.

45:51
Sometimes I listen quite frankly and sometimes I do a terrible job of it. But I will say that this year, the universe in particular must have been trying to teach me that this was just not possible because as I look back on the year, and it’s been kind of a crazy one, but you know, we’re trying to sell a house, build a house, Ann and I are building our business, I’m trying to stay in shape, I have two kids, my husband travels a ton in the fall and all this was happening at one time. And so I got to a point where I was just forced into the, okay, just do the next thing.

46:21
And that’s your accountability for now. Do the next thing. Just get it done, and that’s the world you’re in, and you’re not gonna be able to get in front of things, and you’re not gonna be able to tackle it all at once, and guess what? Things are gonna fall through the cracks, you’re gonna make mistakes, you’re gonna miss stuff, you need to just have some grace at this period in time. And then quickly, the second thing was, from a workout perspective, and you’ve heard me talk about, that’s a huge part of who I am and what I find important, and the way that I manage myself and my personality and keep myself balanced.

46:50
Well, I didn’t have as much time to do as much of that as I wanted to. So I had to make a deal with myself that it was 30 minutes a day during that period of time. If I got more time in, fine, but seven days a week for 30 minutes a day, I was going to do something and some days it was going to be an intense run and sometimes it might be yoga stretching. But that was all I could handle and I had to reorient again my milestones and my success to that instead of going back and thinking.

47:15
But I used to do it this much, or I used to run 35 miles a week, and now I’m only running 20 miles a week. That is the way my brain usually works. I had to push myself not to do that. I will say it was not easy. It taught me a whole lot about myself. I think I found a new connection with the universe versus religion, which I’ve always had trouble with, and I’m not going to go there. About just not.

47:41
expecting so much, especially in times where you have a ton on your plate, and then just like learning to ask the universe for help and not letting myself feel like that was a weakness. Yeah, I, yeah, we went through that together. So I totally can empathize and sympathize with what you went through. And I think the one thing that you didn’t never did during that whole thing was like,

48:03
blame the situation for why you couldn’t do it. You just had to adjust for it. I mean, that was true. There was some elements of it that sucked, but it was just the way that it was. And so it’s either like, okay, figure out how to do it around it, or just like give up and not do anything at all. Right, and that’s about, that’s the other element of holding yourself accountable. It’s like, yes, the world’s gonna put things in your way. You can either choose to figure out your way around it, or you can just crumble up and die and decide you’re not gonna do anything. And…

48:32
That’s a really big struggle for a lot of people too, is that they just want to sit and wait for everything to happen to them, right? They’re like, oh, I’m just waiting for this to happen. I’m waiting for this person to come. I’m waiting for that. It’s just going to drop into my lap. And that’s not taking accountability for yourself at all. It’s actually relinquishing all the control you have into formulating what you want your life to look like. So take like all of this in context of whatever you’re dealing with. It might not be the exact like…

48:57
You might not be dealing with your running miles for you for the week or whatnot like that, but there’s definitely something else that’s going on in your head or going on in your life that you’re like waiting for something to happen or you’re not taking accountability for your role that you’re playing in it or the role you could play in order to make it better. Yep, all of that, 100%. All right, our next in the trenches question. I know I’m not supposed to be blaming others, but there are definitely people that are holding me back. What do I do now?

49:27
April? All right, I’ll take this one. So first of all, there are always going to be people in your way, right? Whether it’s a bad boss or people that are ahead of you in seniority or colleagues that don’t care for you and make your life harder or people that quite frankly just seem to get an easier path in life. All of those things exist. So

49:51
Kind of to the point Anne just made about you can either stop and throw in the towel or you can keep moving. I mean, those are your choices. You can let people get in your way and use that as an excuse and blame them or whatever you want to do, or you can figure out how to manage them or manage against the situation. So let’s talk about a bad boss, for example, because we’ve all had these and we’ve talked about them before on the show. And sometimes people like me tend to have more bad ones than good ones. I did too.

50:18
The objective here is to try to figure out how to create a relationship with your boss that will help you forward your goals. Even if you can’t stand them. Because in all honesty, the only person who loses in a hostile relationship with their boss is you. And we are not saying this is easy. It can be gut wrenching. It can be ego sucking. It can just absolutely kill you to do it. But if you don’t learn how to play the game…

50:45
especially in these most difficult situations in your career, you will not achieve your goals and your dreams because again, it takes other people to do so. Especially your boss. Especially your boss, yes. So if you wanna consider it a game, sometimes that can help, gamification, competing against yourself, super competitive, sometimes that works for me. But again, this goes back to building emotional relationships versus transactional ones. So…

51:13
You need to figure out how your boss can help you. And maybe it’s in simple things like giving you exposure. Maybe it’s connecting you to people to help you network. Maybe they know or understand something that you need to learn. If they’re just a bad person and you don’t feel like there’s anything you can learn, you still have to figure out how to appease the person so they don’t get in your way. But likely it’s a little bit of both things. So.

51:40
And so for me, I’ll give my example to contextualize this one. Playing the game was really hard for me to swallow just as an overall. I mean, I just. It felt contrived, it felt inauthentic, it showed up in ways in agency life, which I’ve talked about before on the show that I just couldn’t get on board with. And I had just a really hard time with the concept in general now.

52:07
When I was exposed to the concept of managing up, I had a much easier time. Because that manifested itself in a different way in my head, and the game piece of it, quite frankly, worked well for me. Because I would pull different levels, levers and try different things, and kind of see what worked. Now, I will say that it took swallowing some pride. I mean, I do have some self-righteousness in my personality.

52:36
I know that’s shocking. Yeah. But. Everybody’s shocked. Yeah. I can feel it. But I do get really fired up and really passionate about bad behavior, just in general. It is one of those buttons where I can’t take it. Again, being in business and with politics and big personalities and lots of personalities, it just is one of those things where.

53:01
I really want to jump in there and be like, no, this is not right. Can we just stop right now? And that’s just not the way that it goes, right? So managing up just for whatever reason clicked in my head a little bit better and likely because I knew that managing was one of my strengths. And so managing up to a boss that I didn’t particularly respect felt like a better way of approaching it and thinking about it in my head. And so I’ve given different examples on the show before, but there was one.

53:30
boss who wasn’t even my direct boss, but to the point of there’s lots of people that impact and have power over your career, he was in a more powerful role in the organization than I was. And quite frankly, if I was going to move up and achieve the goals I had for myself, I had to learn to deal with him. And I wasn’t the only one quite frankly that had problems. He was one of those people that was a little bit of fish out of water, probably really wasn’t meant for agency life, but had been in it a long time.

54:00
probably potentially a little too late to go learn and do something new, at least, you know, given who he was and how he was, it was like, okay, like he’s just someone that we have to put up with. But that also didn’t work because then he didn’t want to be disregarded in any sort of way. And I think there was a sensitivity of, I know I’m a little bit out of water, a little out of my element, I probably moved past where I should have in my career, all those types of things, right? But he was in the power position.

54:29
And so we butted heads, I don’t know, 15 or 16 times in the couple of years I had been there, like where I can think of like real bad instances. Until finally I was like, all right, I need to figure out what makes this guy tick, and then I need to roll right into that. And because I put forth the effort, he actually, to his credit, even though we had butted heads so many times, I put monthly one-on-ones on the calendar. At first they were super painful.

54:58
then I uncovered that he really just needs to feel valued and that I actually knew and was in such a better position with regards to the doing of the work and the way the organization was shifting that he could learn from me, but he was never gonna say that. And so I would put ideas into his head that became his ideas. And I would ask him to go seek things out that were his idea that I might need. And

55:23
really gave him a role in the work that I was doing in the accounts that were a little bit beyond his skillset so that he could learn without having to say that’s what was going on, but he could also participate in a certain way. And so really once I unlocked that door, he became one of my biggest supporters and would give me lots of kudos in front of other people. And it just, it worked so much in my favor that I was like, why did I resist that for so long?

55:52
But once I finally got there, I was like, this is the benefit in doing this. It’s benefiting both of us, and it’s actually not manipulative. It’s giving us both what we need to succeed in our individual situations. Yeah, that is a great example, and I think it really exemplifies how hard people interactions can really, really be. Yes, they’re exhausting sometimes. They are, because a lot of times, these are where the feelings of…

56:19
I’m right, I feel justified, I shouldn’t have to do that. You name it, I think we both have felt it, that we want things to be a certain way and these people are just in our way in order to get it done, right? And so taking that like five, 10, 15 steps back that you need to, to be like, okay, how can I make this person, as we’ve kind of talked before, like an ally, or how do we make them?

56:46
somebody that’s going to be more of an advocate for us. It’s a totally radical way of approaching it, but sometimes could be the way that you break down how to form relationships in very difficult situations. And it’s probably one of the most important skills to have. And it’s not an innate behavior ability to be able to do that. It is a skill. Because even when I got compared to other people too, they’d be like,

57:15
Well, basically, the person was just nicer. And I’m like, okay, well, that works to some extent too. Like that kind of greases the skids, but she also wasn’t as effective as getting things done as I was, right? But she was nicer. So I know realizing that she was nicer and people liked the fact that, you know, it was nicer. It wasn’t the fact that people didn’t care what I had to say or weren’t gonna respond to what I said or gonna do what I said. It’s just like, they liked the fact that she was nicer. It’s like, okay, fine.

57:41
I’ll put a nicer spin on how I want to go do that. And actually it’s something that’s taken me into now even. It’s something that’s part of my practice now where it’s becoming more muscle memory. Initially, like you said, it’s very awkward. It’s gut wrenching, ego swallowing, all those things of trying to make sure you can manage the relationship in a way. But the motivation behind it all is that you have a goal or dream that you’re trying to achieve.

58:08
and you need that person in order to go do it. Whether it’s you need them to help facilitate the process or you need them to get the hell out of your way. So that is why you do it. And you can either choose to do it or not do it as you said. All right, the fourth in the trenches question. What are you focusing on in cultivating your personal brand in 2022? So here’s gonna get a little interesting because April and I will both give our thoughts here about what we’re focused on.

58:39
So for me, what’s eluding me right now is really like a true sense of joy. And it sounds really sad to say that, but it’s actually not like coming from like a bad place. Like I’m managing a lot right now, it’s taken a really huge emotional toll on me and it isn’t that I’m unhappy or unsatisfied, it’s actually quite the opposite. Like I feel like I have a very fulfilled life. I love how my life is going. I love how all the things that are happening with my business and with the home life and everything that’s going on.

59:09
I’m just missing that feeling of utter joy, which I know is there, but I’m just not letting myself feel because I feel bogged down by life in general. And when I get like this, I know it sends signals to others that are around me that know me well, that maybe they’re disappointing me or maybe they get frustrated or… And all those like…

59:35
like feelings that they just are like, kind of like, or maybe just want to give me my space cause they’re just not sure how to interact with me. And that doesn’t help me find those feelings of joy when I’m feeling like I’m like in that really kind of like tense place with people that are close to me, as well as like, that just fuels my anxiety of like, well now these people are feeling that way. And so sometimes like, you know,

01:00:04
I know I have to find a way to maybe let go of the control of everything all the time. I mean, I have high expectations. I have them for myself. I have them for everybody around me. Sometimes this is because people haven’t met my expectations and even though they’re trying to meet my expectations, but I can’t feel like, I struggle with the feeling of like, I can let it go.

01:00:29
because then I feel like everything’s gonna totally fall apart, but it’s totally getting in my way of feeling that joy, especially like, not like joy all the time, I don’t need to be like, you know, singing and, you know, sounding music like up on the, you know, hills and stuff like that, but like, it’s just like those moments of like, oh, I’m just really happy right now, you know, kind of thing. Those are like more fleeting than I would like them to be. So that’s what I’m focusing on is like, what do I need to work on in my personal brand? What are my behaviors and actions?

01:00:59
in order that are impeding my ability to feel that sense of joy that really like keeps me motivated and engaged and just like, you know, kind of like just hitting on all cylinders, just like kind of feeling that way. Yeah, I think that’s a good example. And I think it’s important to you that you state like it’s not like the world’s crashing down around you.

01:01:20
It’s just like something that like is niggling and you can feel it and you know that it’s something that you need to almost like recalibrate. It’s a grind. I mean, it’s just kind of feeling like a grind right now. Yeah, and there’s just like, it’s just kind of like mellowed out, like there’s no highs and lows. It’s just kind of like, kind of mellowed out. It’s not like I’m like, hey, that was a great time. I had a great time. I had a great time this weekend in Nashville, you know. But that’s different than joy. That’s different than joy, right? You know, so. Yep, I hear you.

01:01:47
All right, so for mine, I sort of gave this away when I talked about how crazy this year has been for me. And then on top of it, there was some physical stuff too. So nothing life-threatening, but I did have a nasal surgery and a lot of dental reconstruction work and all that kind of stuff takes its toll physically as well as just emotionally. And so for me, I’m really looking forward to 2022 as a fresh start, but I’m also like very practical in the way that I am. So I’m not like a…

01:02:16
sunshine and roses and it’ll just be a better year and I want to work on anything. That’s not what I’m talking about here. What I’m really trying to do is digest all of this year, think about everything that transpired and what I’ve learned from it that will change how I am moving forward. And I think that I’m still processing that, but I do feel like in all honesty,

01:02:43
even harder than the COVID year, this year has actually been harder on me, is the thing that I’ve come to. And it’s because personally, a lot of things that were happening, it wasn’t just like in the world in general. So I definitely had issues with the COVID year and all of that too, but this year it just was like a lot more personalized, this has happened in April’s life. And so I feel like whenever stuff goes down like that,

01:03:09
I’m constantly one of those people that looks up at the sky and is like, what did I do? Clearly I’m not learning what I’m supposed to here. But for all of that, I know that I’m better after this year. I’m a whole lot stronger. And I consider myself to be a pretty strong person in general. My wherewithal has just really changed again and shifted. But I also know that because it was so crazy, there are things that just habitually and historically are bad for me. Being in the moment, I’m not great at it.

01:03:39
It’s like why I’m not a good play with my kids, right? Like I love really special moments with them, but I’m not like a get down on the ground, play with their toys and be able to zone out and be in that moment. My mind’s always going, right? And so that’s one thing I really wanna work on. I wanna work on not taking so much on. So this year, a lot of things fell in my lap and happened, but there were situations that Ann has called me on where I’ve taken something on and she’s like, why did you do that?

01:04:08
You didn’t need to sign us up for that. That was stupid. And that’s exactly how she says it. So I hear the message loud and clear. But I do think I’ve added some new tools that I have let go of certain things. And I’ve realized that when I let go, things fall into place more readily. And so I’m looking forward to that. I hear that for myself too, but I’m like, I just can’t do it. Yeah, well, when it comes, it’s the all or nothing thing in me, right? And so like,

01:04:38
There are, there’s like the high top tier standard in my head and then there’s like, okay, but that’s you. What’s actually important in the moment? And I feel like I’m seeing glimmers of that. Like a really stupid thing is I really wanted to get Dewey’s Pizza pre-baked pizzas for Christmas. It’s our responsibility this year to provide the pizza. Of course, no one’s asking me to cook.

01:04:59
And so I took it on and said, you know, we’ll bring all the pizzas. We can’t really host at our house because of the moving situation. So we ordered pizzas from Chicago, but true martini style. Not everybody likes that. So then I needed to get some pre-baked for the folks that like the crappy Cincinnati pizza. But in any case, ouch. I am, no, I mean, actually I love Cincinnati pizza, but so I really want to do this, right? And they’re like, we don’t do pre-baked anymore. We got new ovens. It’s not possible. It cooks all the way through no matter what we do. It’s off the menu. And I was like, but that’s what I really wanted.

01:05:28
And so then today, once I finally was like, it’s not happening, that’s a dumb, don’t go buy them today, it’ll be bad by Saturday. And so I got LaRosas instead. And you know what? That took about four minutes because there’s one right by my house, I typed in the order on our account, I ran and picked it up, I came back and I’m like, I was dreading having to drive to Oakley or park at Newport or all these different things, actually the Newport one’s closed I think. But in any case, to make.

01:05:54
you know, to make what I thought was the perfect thing, when really when I think about who’s gonna eat it, they all probably like Laura’s is better. So it’s like that kind of stuff, right? And opening myself up to that grace and letting the universe in a little more and doing all the things we coach our people to do around like taking a minute, thinking about whether it’s really imperative, all of that kind of stuff versus just letting it keep adding on and not doing anything to manage it.

01:06:22
So mine, like I said, like you can hear me, I’m still reflecting and processing. I think the big realization for me was that this year was harder and worse for me even than the COVID year, which says a lot, I think. And how do I then use that? And the other thing is I put a lot of anxiety on myself, but I also have anxiety. And so one of the things that I’ve talked about throughout this episode, but learned is like stopping the negative self-talk and my son’s pediatrician actually.

01:06:49
gave me this tool for him and for us, but it is actually what I’ve started doing. And it is to say, this is the anxiety talking, anxiety is not a part of me and I don’t want it here right now, please go away. And then pushing the negative thoughts out and moving on with something else as quickly as possible. And it seems really simple and it doesn’t always work I will say, but I have gotten much better when that starts to happen at shutting it down.

01:07:15
I think that’s a really fantastic example of the counter triggers we talk about, right? When you start getting triggered by anxiety, you have to put in something else that takes the space of where you’re going to go next with that anxiety. So if you could put in a counter trigger and it takes practice, and at least initially in order to kind of set it up where you can like, okay, I’m feeling this, I need to think about this versus going down this track of the anxiety, you can start then changing your behaviors and actions and your reactions to things.

01:07:43
in order to have better outcomes and help yourself move towards your goals in your dreams. So I think that’s a really great example of a really simple tool that we talk about when we talk about counter triggers. Yep, absolutely. Love it. All right, our third and final segment is something new that we’ve been doing recently, which we call a marketing smarts moments. And these don’t necessarily have any tie to the actual episode, but they are things that we’re seeing in our environment or through clients that

01:08:13
kind of strike us as a marketing smarts moment and it’s either could be something that’s actually working well for them or not working well for them. So this is my marketing smarts moment and this happened this past week actually. And it was, I had to hire somebody, an exterminator to come and deal with one of our apartment buildings. As you know, me and my husband own property and we own residential buildings within Cincinnati and we’re the landlords of those buildings. So.

01:08:42
I called a local service here, and I think they’re national too, but they’re at Oregon, right? And I had a nice conversation with the lady on the phone, which I was very pleased by, about how well she explained the process, about how well she explained what they were going to go do, what was involved. And I also then had a conversation with her that, like, the last one we fired, which was a very reputable company, and since then we fired because the communication was so poor.

01:09:10
And so she actually listened to that. And what she ended up setting up were these texts and these email alerts that would keep me informed as the service was happening, because that wasn’t happening in the last one. They’d show up. We didn’t know they were showing up. And then they would charge us for it, right? So here, what I wanna say, and I’m gonna go into a little bit more detail about how they actually did this, because I think it’s a very interesting lesson in customer service, is that communication is key.

01:09:40
Yeah. I mean, we’ve talked about it and we’ve like alluded to it, but like communication is key because that is how your clients, your customers, your consumers know what you’re going to be doing for them, when you’re going to be doing it for them, how you’re going to be doing it and what does success look like when it’s all said and done. And when you leave it very open-ended, then you leave that speculation to your client or your customer or consumer.

01:10:08
And then they get to make up whatever they want to make up about you in that moment or about your business or about your brand. And people really, really need to know what’s going on. So they don’t have to put in brain power in order to deal with that. When if you whether or not you’re a vendor, whether or not you’re a service provider, whether or not you’re a marketing agency, whether whatever you’re doing, you need to think about how to reduce the amount of time that your client customer consumer needs to think about what they are.

01:10:36
thinking about from your standpoint, so they can think about other things that are more important. If you become a liability or you become somebody that they have to invest a lot of time in managing, you’re never going to maintain that relationship. So like, Oregon, for example, they texted and emailed me that they were on their way. They told me who the person was who was gonna be there, so I could let everybody know, so there was just not a random person who showed up that they were gonna let into their houses or their units.

01:11:05
They told me when they arrived, they told me when they were completed, and then they sent me the whole bill via email. So I didn’t have to bother with any of that. Now, the one thing they could have done better is they actually could have given me the prognosis in a little bit more clear detail. They didn’t give me that what success looks like piece, which I would have appreciated more, which I gave them feedback on. So that all builds a state of trust because they’re communicating with me. I know what’s going on. I’m clear that a job is being done. I’m clear that…

01:11:35
you know, where we are in the process. So think about your frequency of communication that you have with your customer, clients, consumers. Think about the quality of communication you’re having with them. Think about what channels you’re using if those are the right channels. And this will help you build that trust and those emotional relationships we’ve been talking about also through your personal brand and also just building business relationships in general.

01:12:00
Well, and I think, you know, you hear me talk about insights and the difference between insights and observations, but I think what Orkin has clearly managed to do is identify that consumer insight or true pain point around the experience and then proactively address it and solve it. And so they took the lens of probably what…

01:12:23
what experience would I want? And what about competition? Not doing well. And what, yep, what are other people not doing well? What complaints are we seeing? All of that. I mean, I will say that I feel the exact same way about my dentist for that reason, because they text with stuff and I respond. And it makes everything so much easier than me having to find a time to return a phone call, you know, and they know they can get me that way too. And so it works both ways. But I mean, I like…

01:12:50
that anxiety is then gone for me, which is exactly what you’re talking about here. It’s like you didn’t waste your whole day like, oh, did I miss it? Are they there? Did I, you know, and then- Yeah, do I need to go two hours early for a two hour window? Yeah, or, you know, well, how do I know who’s showing up and telling people when to be there? And then how do I know they’re actually gonna do anything when they’re there and they’ll solve the problem? Like all that kind of stuff. The other thing that I will say that I also love about those types of services is when they give you like a percent completion.

01:13:17
Or like, you know, we’ve been here for 30 minutes, we think it’ll take another hour, like that kind of stuff. I’ve had some of those too, and I think that that also really helps because then you can kind of orient your day around it. Like my car, I have to drive my Infiniti all the way up to King’s Auto Mall every time, which is not ideal, but they will do that throughout the day. So then I know if I need to pick it up that day, really early, or if I am picking it up, like exactly when it’ll be done. Yeah, that’s, yes, all of that. I love it.

01:13:47
So err on the side of over-communicating. Exactly. And make your, like, put yourself in the consumer’s shoes and create an experience that is better than what’s out there. Amen. I agree. Just to summarize, the four questions to help you refresh your personal brand for 2022. What is something I want that has been eluding me? This sets the focus for cultivating your personal brand. It also, on the other side of the coin, provides a motivating why for getting through the effort.

01:14:16
Second question, what are the consistent themes that show up that move me towards or away from my goals? Whether you’re moving towards your goals or not, there are consistent behaviors and actions at play that stem from your characteristics. Find out what these are. Does my physical appearance need a refresh? Need to learn to appreciate your body and treat it accordingly. Have I been building transactional or emotional relationships? We need others to achieve our goals and dreams, and emotional relationships are the key to this because we need people invested and motivated in supporting us.

01:14:47
Did we spark something with this episode that you want to talk about further? Reach out to us through our website ForthRight-People.com We can help you customize what you have heard to move your business and make sure to Follow or Subscribe to Strategic counsel on your favorite podcast platform!