In this episode of Strategic Counsel by ForthRight Business, we continue The Power of Your Personal Brand Series! Today, we’re talking about how to overcome triggers. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and your other favorite podcast spots – follow and leave a 5-star review!
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The Power of Your Personal Brand Series: How to Overcome Triggers
We just launched our new book! You can grab The Power of Your Personal Brand: A Playbook for Struggling Middle Managers Who Want to Do Big Things on Amazon or at ForthRight-People.com
In the latest installment of The Power of Your Personal Brand Series, we’re talking about how to overcome triggers. We all have them, and they often evoke certain Appearances & Behaviors + Actions that are not favorable for our Personal Brands. Triggers can be detrimental to our Personal Brands because they tend to drive knee-jerk reactions and feelings that are intense. When we act on them, our Personal Brand starts looking inconsistent. Today, you’ll hear 4 strategies for dealing with triggers to help you maintain authenticity with your Personal Brand. Here’s a small sample of what you will hear in this episode:
- Recognize when you trigger others
- Not everybody is going to like you and why that’s ok
- Anne’s real-world business trigger
- Practicing patience on the highway as a counter-trigger
- How to handle triggers productively
And as always, if you need help in building your Strategic Counsel, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at: ForthRight-People.com.
Check out the episode, show notes, and transcript below:
Show Notes
- The Power of Your Personal Brand Series: How to Overcome Triggers
- [0:29] Welcome to Strategic Counsel by ForthRight Business
- [0:57] Why triggers are so dangerous to your personal brand
- [1:21] Four strategies overview: how to handle triggers productively
- [1:50] Strategy 1: Recognize where you feel triggers in your body
- [3:17] The different things that can cause triggers and why the feeling is often the same
- [4:12] April’s example: driving triggers and what finally changed them
- [6:08] Anne’s approach: practicing patience on the highway as a counter-trigger
- [7:31] Anne’s deeper triggers: integrity violations and fear of disappointing others
- [9:28] Strategy 2: Question why you are being triggered
- [10:55] Making the conscious choice: do something or let it go?
- [14:16] Ann’s real-world business trigger: a customer dispute at Tint World
- [15:36] What matters more your feelings or your business?
- [16:33] Strategy 3: Fix the mess-ups
- [17:30] How Anne handled her recurring mess-ups and closed the loop publicly
- [20:20] April’s story: discovering her face has subtitles
- [23:41] Why fixing mess ups actually makes you more aware of your triggers
- [24:39] Strategy 4: Recognize when you trigger others
- [25:24] The retaliatory trigger cycle and how to break it
- [26:22] “Not everybody’s going to like you” and why that’s okay
- [28:09] April’s journey: intentionally shedding relationships that no longer serve her
- [30:30] Not all feedback is equal — and you don’t have to internalize all of it
- [32:17] Closing thoughts: triggers can knock you off your path to the big thing
- [33:14] April’s final word: the only thing you can manage is your own reaction
- Make sure to follow Strategic Counsel on your favorite podcast spot and leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts
- Learn more at ForthRight-People.com and connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn
What is Strategic Counsel?
Welcome to Strategic Counsel by ForthRight Business! Prepare for honest, direct, and unconventional conversations on how to successfully lead and operate in business. Referred to by some listeners as an “MBA in podcast form,” this show is dense with personal stories, proven strategies contextualized by practical steps, and tools to put what you learn into action now.
Your hosts Anne Candido and April Martini are Co-Founders of ForthRight People, a leadership performance company focused on developing leaders from the inside out. They are also Authors of the book: The Power of Your Personal Brand: A Playbook for Struggling Middle Managers Who Want to Do Big Things. They thrive on engagement from listeners and welcome any show topics! So, reach out and connect!
Thanks for listening Strategic Counsel. Get in touch here to become more strategic.
Transcript
Please note: This transcript is not 100% accurate.
00:01
Welcome to the Strategic Counsel by Forthright Business podcast. If you’re looking for honest, direct and unconventional conversations on how to successfully lead and operate in business, you are in the right place. In our discussions, we push on the status quo and traditional modes of thinking to reveal a fresh perspective. This unlocks opportunity for you, your team and your business. Now let’s get to it.
00:29
Welcome to Strategic Counsel podcast. I am Anne Candido. And I am April Martini. And today we continue our series, The Power of Your Personal Brand. So this series is based on our new book, The Power of Your Personal Brand, a playbook for struggling mental managers who want to do big things. And today we’re going to talk about a topic that came up in one of our recent workshops. And that’s how to overcome triggers. all have them and they often evoke certain appearances as well as behaviors and actions that
00:57
aren’t always favorable for our personal brand. Yeah, and quite frankly, triggers can be detrimental to our personal brands because they tend to drive knee-jerk feelings and then subsequent reactions that are honestly pretty intense. And when we act on them, our personal brand starts to show up inconsistently. And as we talked, inconsistencies prevent us from building trust and confidence in our personal brand.
01:21
So we have to become aware as part of this process of what triggers us and then also learn how to address the triggers productively so that those behaviors and knee jerk reactions are stopped in their tracks. Exactly. So today we’re going to talk four strategies for dealing with triggers to help you maintain authenticity with your personal brand. All right. The first is to recognize where you feel triggers in your body.
01:50
So when we get triggered, we always feel them in our bodies, always someplace that we feel them. And it’s so important to become aware of where that is. So for me, I feel triggered deep in my gut and then my head starts buzzing a bit. Kind of gives me a little bit of like a fog. And this is my biggest signal that I’m about to go off my personal brand. And when I recognize this, I can intervene before I go off the rails. Yeah. And similarly, mine is always in my stomach as well.
02:18
Um, in positive instances, gut instinct is good in other ways and triggers not so good, right? But it is very, very physical for me. And I’ve had to learn how to manage it over the years because if I let it go too far, it can make me physically sick, which you can imagine in professional situations. If I hadn’t learned how to manage that reaction, what may happen?
02:48
And so like Anne said, you really have to almost like feel it and then start to process at the same time in order to get in front of it. As well as for me, if I can go right to what’s going on in the rational side of my brain, it’ll sometimes counteract what I consider to be an emotional response that manifests physically. Yeah. And so I think that’s a really important point to stay on a little bit and give examples about because
03:17
Triggers can be caused by a bunch of different things, but the feeling is almost always the same, right? And so those things can be interlinked, which also means that it could send senses of like panic and fear and anxiety. So it’s really important to counteract those and put things in place. So maybe April, you can give a little bit more of an example of, or expand on your example of how you’ve taken a trigger
03:46
and learn how to counteract that and what triggers you, frankly. Okay, so I’m going to give it’s not really a work related one, but it is driving and people that do dumb things when they’re driving. But that wouldn’t be you, of course. No, never me. It’s never my fault. Come on. never. But this is always like I’ve never liked driving. So from a trigger standpoint, I’ve
04:12
find, like if I’m driving and I’m moving along just fine and whatever, it’s fine. But if there’s any inefficiency in driving, I hate it. And so when I’m driving and something happens that shouldn’t happen, that goes, takes me to that same exact place. So I would say without really realizing it, there were a lot of years that like I used to drive to Dayton for work or, you know, the airport or whatever, where I would just spout out these things for people.
04:42
as they happened on the road. Fast forward to having children, that doesn’t go so well. uh And at one point a couple of years ago, the reason that I really realized this was a trigger that I needed to get under control was when my son was like, I only ever hear you say really bad words loudly when you’re driving. And then subsequently actually, in working with my coach and figuring out that I’m a three on the Enneagram scale and just how I react to things,
05:11
I don’t like behaviors and people that I can’t predict are going to happen, which I think is some of that control and like, you know, something happens and you have to like slam on the brakes or like, I don’t like that. I don’t like that unpredictability. And I think because typically my personal brand, like I’m good at sensing people and I’m highly empathetic. I can see who I’m getting and kind of morph my three to accommodate them, right? Driving and having instances like that doesn’t speak to any of that.
05:41
And so I actually highlighted the driving as one of the things I was gonna work on. And I’m proud to say that over the course of the past nine or two months, what I do to your question about stopping it is when something happens, I immediately take a breath and in my head say, they didn’t mean to do it or they must really need to get somewhere or something that stops that fireiness that just wants to spew out of me. How’s that?
06:08
I think that’s great. mean, ironically to you, I’ve, I’ve, used to have a driving issue, a driving trigger, but I solved it very differently. And so, know, this, you know this by not driving about my driving. Well, that’s true. I just let you drive and then I don’t have to deal with it. But I practice patience on the highway and I practice on the highway by driving in the right hand lane for the entire trip. Yep. Now.
06:35
It’s usually a 15 minute trip, 20 minute trip, but I practice patience by driving in the right hand lane the entire way. I do not change lanes to get over to the fast lane. I’m like, I just practice patience. And ironically, it’s helped. I mean, it doesn’t cure of every little silly thing that people do. We’re not perfect. Right. But like, April, who wants the traffic to have a personal brand that is repeatable and consistent and she can trust.
07:02
I’ve taken it upon myself to be like, okay, I just need to be able to get myself under control and I can do this by not making traffic a thing. So both ways work. Yes, yes. Well, and I will say though, I mean, to the point, like that’s kind of like a silly example, although I will say it has totally changed me, especially in the area of town I live in that’s super congested all the time. But the lack of physical reaction actually has completely changed my mindset on a day-to-day basis.
07:31
to where I was in this sort of triggered fight or flight, am I gonna get angry, whatever, when I can just sort of relax and have that dialogue in my head and take deep breaths, my days are much calmer in general. Right. Yeah, and there’s, I didn’t even, I was picking on your thing, but if I was gonna be extremely vulnerable, there’s two things that trigger me. Definitely people trigger me. It’s a big thing as an eight, because I’m an integrity person.
07:59
And I’ll probably talk a little bit more about that later. But also when I feel like I’ve disappointed somebody or I didn’t live up to expectations or and somebody’s calling me out on something like that, that triggers me a lot. And for the people piece, I have to come in go in with a game plan when I know I’m going into a situation, but people who trigger me and there’s not a very many people who can trigger me, but the people who can do it consistently, not even meaning to.
08:28
I have to go on the game plan about how I want to approach that conversation and what I’m going to do and what I’m not going to do. And sometimes it is just white-knuckling it in order to stay consistent with my personal brand. And sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. But then, you know, when I find that somebody is calling me out on something, I find that I have to take a break and I have to walk away a little bit and I need to process it. And then I can hear it in a different way versus in
08:58
making it at that moment very, very personal about me, which sets off my anxiety or my feelings of inadequacy or insignificance and all those things that are the darker side of my characteristics. So that’s how I do those things too. Okay, so the second strategy is question why you are being triggered. So triggers usually some from a violation or a challenge to our characteristics and usually ones that are very deeply seated.
09:28
I am huge on integrity. is core to who I am. And it’s also consistent with me being an Enneagram 8, right? So any person or any situation where I sense a violation of integrity, it totally lights me up. Yeah, I would use integrity too, but I’m not going to take yours and just repeat. So one that I find is adjacent but different is inauthenticity. And I have learned about myself that yes, I am a three and
09:57
That means that I can see people take them in and morph to show up in a way that they can hear internalize all that. But I also have a very strong wing too. And that means that I care very deeply and cultivate relationships for people that I feel are very valuable. The people that unfortunately don’t reap those benefits are the inauthentic ones. And so I had to learn about myself that
10:25
I will have a visceral reaction in my gut, like I said, or I will feel very fiery, like my brain’s on fire, ah when I see something I don’t like in a way that’s typically like someone’s treating someone else badly. And the reason I think it lives in inauthenticity is because it’s inauthentic to the way that I think as humans we should show up. Like very deeply, I believe that there’s no room or reason for treating people badly just because.
10:55
And so I have to make a conscious choice in that moment, whether I’m going to do something about it or not. I have gotten a lot better about having the expression in my head, not my monkeys, not my circus. And most times that works. But what I will actually say is I had a situation on vacation recently where I did approach a woman who was trying to cut the line. I know that sounds so dumb.
11:24
and I confronted her and addressed it. Now, when I used to do it all the time, I would feel bad afterward. Like, why did I do that? There was no reason for that. But in this instance, it was, I asked myself the question, why am I being triggered? And just decided that it was a moment where it wasn’t fair to the other 50 people in line or those of us that had been in line for 20 minutes. And I’d asked nicely and she didn’t respond. And so I did say something. And actually I felt good about it afterward because I’ve learned to ask myself the question instead of just,
11:54
flying into a response versus taking the time to do it calmly. I was wondering if you’re going to tell that story. If not, I was going to call you out and ask you to tell the story. Well, I can go in far more detail, but I’m supposed to be being succinct right now. Yeah. I I think I think the key is, is that it’s so important to be self-aware. Yes. Because it allows you to be proactive and allows you to make those choices about how you’re going to react in that situation. So you consciously made the choice that I’m going to address this.
12:24
and you always call it bad behavior. If I had a quarter for every time you call somebody out for bad behavior, I would be like pretty rich. And I think I used to do it though from a place of self-righteousness, which is not good, right? That means I was letting the trigger change over. Now I’m like, okay, hold on. Is it worth it? Is it a big deal? What’s going to come out of it?
12:51
and taking that pause, like you said, and then making the choice. I I rarely do it anymore. So. And in that situation, you did it because you felt a need to defend everybody else. Yes. So there was a there was a feeling of like, that’s my two. Yeah. That I’m going to take this one for the team and I’m going to go all in. But then also demonstrating for your kids what’s good behavior and what’s not good behavior. Right.
13:19
Yeah, well, I mean, it was a total teaching moment, right? Like my son was like, mom, that was so cool. And my daughter was crying. I’ve never heard you do that before, mom. Why did you do that? She was so mad. But I did. like, I took them both aside after it happened. And I said, listen, I said, you’re going to find moments in life where you have to stand up for yourself and others. And you know, someone did cut the line. Nine people lined up behind that person.
13:48
I walked over and politely asked them to please get in line. Everyone except for her was apologetic. She ignored me, went back up, kindly said it again, and then she got in my face about it. And I was like, listen, she needs to learn that her time is no more valuable than anybody else’s. And all of us had been in that line for a long time. And I did use the expression, bad behavior. I said, even adults can have bad behavior. Yep. Yep. Well, I’m actually going through one right now that is, um
14:16
It’s been very, very triggering again from the integrity scale, which is so I think people know that I’m an owner of Tint World here in Cincinnati, and specifically the one in Newtown. Tint World is a car stylizing, so please hear me when I say tint with an N. So just always want to make sure.
14:39
But I had a customer who I feel um is trying to take us literally for a ride and who came in, had service done, didn’t want to pay for the service and now was claiming we did damage to his car in order not to have to pay for the service and refusing to admit anything that could have happened in the timeframe of when he brought the car to us. From Chicago. So that is very triggering for me because I’m like, I’m
15:07
pretty sure I’m being taken for a ride here and I’m not exactly sure what I could go do about it except for if it goes south, it is a whole lot worse for me than it is for him because my reputation, my business is on the line, all those sorts of things. And so for me, the trigger was obviously the injustice and the integrity, but the counter triggered to that that made me think about how I wanted to approach this was what’s more important myself.
15:36
and how I’m feeling right now are my business. And I put my business first. And so how do I need to approach this from the position of a business owner and not just how I’m feeling within myself. And I think that’s a really good reframe that helps us to shift perspective and change a little bit of the way that we might choose to react to these triggers in the moment. Yeah, I mean, I think it takes it to a place of objectivity, right? Yeah.
16:02
So instead of having that visceral emotional response, which is where the trigger gets the best of you. Yep. You put it up in your brain and said, all right, what are the repercussions? How am I going to show up all of those things and honored that instead of getting in a fight, you know, or whatever. Right. And then learning from it. I’m like, you know, I had some responsibility in this too by not doing what I needed to go do. And I’m kind of taking it as a teaching moment to April for that bad behavior. So there you go.
16:33
All right, the third strategy is fix the mess ups. All right, we’re all human. There are gonna be times we react to our triggers even if we’re really good at managing them and recognize them and figuring out how to put counter triggers in place so that we can be more proactive in the way that we address them. So first, just recognize and forgive yourself and know that it’s gonna happen. But what is key is to align yourself back with your personal brand and to fix the mess up.
17:02
Yeah, which means that you take the responsibility and accountability for the mess up. It doesn’t matter what rationale you have. The one thing you hear us say all the time, also heavily in the book, is other people’s perceptions are their reality. So your intentions do not matter. If you mess up and it’s perceived as a mess up, you better go and fix that mess up. Yes. And so…
17:30
We’ll continue to tell on ourselves a little bit. I mean, for me, my mess ups were, I don’t know if I had like a really like big gargantuan one, but I always had consistently the same ones, right? And whether it is I’m in April, I know you have the same example of like directness or edginess or getting really passionate in a meeting and starting to like really take over and overwhelm folks like just like.
18:00
that behavior, which in itself is not bad. Like none of that is bad, right? But in certain situations, it’s not helping me in order to achieve what my goals are for those interactions. And so the way that I would fix the mess ups is even if I didn’t know if I did, because sometimes I couldn’t tell, it’s just so, and I think this is the same with a lot of people is like, you just don’t know. Like it’s just so naturally part of who you, how you operate. You just can’t see it.
18:30
And so I had to always regularly check in. So when I started becoming very self-aware of my personal brand and how these characteristics can start to kind of push in a way that was helping me, not helping me achieve my big thing, I’d always have to constantly check in. So after meetings, I would be like, hey, you know, I check with them. How did I come off? Did I, and now you use my personal mission statement. Did I show up as somebody who really wanted to help people find the best in themselves or did I?
18:58
Did I show up in a way that was counterproductive? How did I show up? Help me, give me some feedback. And if I found that I didn’t show up consistently, I would go to that person and I would address it and I’d be like, hey, listen, I got some feedback that maybe I shut you down or maybe I didn’t appreciate what you had to say as much. I’m really, really sorry about that. Can we talk about it? And then I would make it a point also to close the loop to publicly…
19:25
bring that back in if I had to. So in the next team meeting and be like, hey, listen, so-and-so had an idea. I didn’t really quite listen to it. Let’s like talk about that idea now and really make sure that we dive into whatever we have to dive in to complete the um conversation. So sometimes it’s like in multiple different ways. It doesn’t have to be like a big thing that you’re like, oh, I totally, you know, made that mess up. um Although.
19:53
A lot of times it messes up is like emails when you accidentally copy somebody that you shouldn’t have copied. But yeah, I’ve done that. Or you don’t hang up the phone on a conference call and you continue the conversation. Yeah. Or you think you’re on mute and you’re not. And yeah, all those tangible ones that you need to go back and fix. But I’m kind of talking about some of the intangible ones too. So April, what do you got? Yeah. I mean, I think the point about
20:20
they don’t have to be giant things, right? Like we just gave the ones and my stomach drops every time about that, continuing the conversation. Like it was never even my fault. I just was in room and watched it happen, right? But the big thing that I think is a miss for people that actually is a huge opportunity with their personal brand is to take the time to acknowledge the mess-ups and then put them right. Because we are human beings, which means we are inconsistent.
20:47
I mean, you know, some of the ways we make decisions we can’t explain, right? So I think the best thing you can do for your personal brand is take the time to reflect, acknowledge with yourself and then go back and make it right. One of the things that I often say regularly now is I know now that my face has subtitles. So even if I don’t actually say anything, I’m definitely saying something. And I found out I had a girl who hated confrontation maybe more than
21:17
any person I’ve ever worked with. And a lot of creative folks don’t like confrontation, so that’s saying something. And it took her over a year to work up the nerve to tell me that when I made this certain face that I, to your point, had no idea that I was making, that she would immediately shut down and stop talking. And I never noticed. Oh, I know that face. And I know what it is now. It’s when I give a cutting look. And I have gotten older. That was 10 plus years ago.
21:45
I have good friends that’ll now be like, uh-oh, that’s the face. So like you. Your lips get really thin too. Yeah. Yeah. So people know now. But I mean, that was a good point of feedback for me to pay attention because at that point I had done a good job of not doing some of the things you mentioned, like getting overly excited and shutting down the introverts in the room or taking charge in meetings, right? But I was still communicating with my face. And actually, interestingly, now at home,
22:14
My kids are getting older and Sam is definitely empathetic like me and Mia is very visual. So different ways of reading me, but they both have it. And so Sam will come in, feel my energy and look at my face. Mia will come in, take one look at my face and figure out what I’m feeling. And I’ve had to, to the point of my face having subtitles, address it with them that if I’m working in my office and you come in and I look up,
22:43
I’m just still in my work. I’m not meaning to miscommunicate anything about how I’m feeling. It’s just, it’s taking me a minute to make the transition because we just had a period of time where they were like, am I in trouble? Are you mad at me? Are you having a bad day? And I was like, what’s happening? And I realized it was that subtitle thing again happening. So. Yeah. And perceptive, mean, it’s so, it’s so young too. Um, eventually I hate to tell you this, they won’t care.
23:12
but it’s nice to yeah, mean, we’re still a little in the sweet phase, right? Like I can still instill the fear of God in them and I will use that as long as I can. Yeah, that definitely works. And I think, you know, just to kind of bring this back to the strategy of why this helps personally with triggers too is when you fix the mess ups, you become more aware of the triggers. Yeah, yeah, right, exactly. Exactly. And you know, if you’re succeeding in being able to manage or counter manage the triggers too. So,
23:41
That’s why it’s so important to go there. It’s not always easy because you have to be a bit vulnerable, but just think about it as workshopping yourself. Like you’re being your own personal coach or mentor and you’re workshopping yourself. And that sometimes helps to take a little bit of those feelings out that you’re being a little bit too vulnerable and putting yourself out there a little bit too much or leaving yourself open for criticism or negative feedback or
24:10
any of those sorts of things. So yeah, I mean, these all build on themselves, right? So like, I will have the conversation to your point about being my coach in my head, where if I encounter someone’s coming across an authentic or some of my other triggers, right? I’m like, watch your face. Don’t make the face, neutralize your face, right? Or sometimes it’ll be like, if it’s a social thing, I’ll be like, just leave the situation. Yeah, just walk away. You don’t, you don’t need to be a part of this. Leave. Yep. All different kinds of things you can do.
24:39
to avoid even making a mess up. Well, you said better managing your triggers. So yeah, a thousand percent. That’s good. Back to the counter triggers again, or the countermeasures to beat the triggers. Okay. The fourth strategy for managing triggers is to recognize when you trigger others. Oh yeah. Yeah. So this is an important one. Super important for two reasons.
25:04
One is so you can address how your appearance and behaviors and actions may or may not be moving you towards your big thing. The second one is one of the biggest ways we are triggered is in response to triggering someone else. Oh, yes, because no matter our personal brand, when someone has a negative reaction to us.
25:24
It evokes every insecurity, every threat, every fear of inadequacy that we’ve ever had, no matter all the work we’ve put in and all the coaching and hours and therapy and all those things, which can then trigger retaliatory triggers and behaviors. So you can see how this goes. Right. It’s just a cycle that continues to go with the flywheel, but it is a very interesting dilemma because
25:53
when those feelings start to kind of exerted in ourselves, it can then start to kind of create that animosity in places where animosity really doesn’t even need to occur. Right? So you’re starting to generate energy where really don’t need to have energy. So one of the ways that I’ve countered this, because obviously, I mean, 99 % of the people love me now actually doesn’t even close to me. I can’t even stay that way at the straight face.
26:22
I mean, I’ve definitely run into my share of opposition where people just don’t like me. you know, there’s one trivial response I have to that. And I kind of go back to what my dad said when I was young. He goes, well, not everybody’s going to like you, Anne, but that sometimes helps because I don’t have to take on the responsibility that everybody has to like me. Yes, for sure. Now, I’m not going to go down the other side of this, which is when we talk about leaders and the need to always be liked and be liked at the
26:51
mercy of being respected, which is a very common issue that me and April both coach. very big no-no. Very big no-no because that can be a for leaders, a really big black hole that you are constantly needing to be that person that is like part of the team and all those sorts of things. And you lose the fact that you are the boss, the leader, and you really
27:19
lose the respect of your team for being that. But I also said that’s one of the things. But the other thing is, is I’ve really started to, especially in the last year or two, start to really ask, do I really care? Yeah. I mean, that’s a really hard one, but it totally disrupts those feelings of like, but I want everybody to like me. And
27:40
I just feel bad when they don’t like me or why don’t they like me or is that something really wrong with me? I kind of have to sit back for a little bit and I look at the whole totality of it. I’m like, do I really care that this person doesn’t like me? Sometimes I do and I, because they’re maybe they’re critical in the path to my big thing and I need to put together a plan then of like, okay, well how did I win this person over? And some of them are like, I just, yeah, I just don’t care. I really don’t care. It doesn’t really matter to me.
28:09
That’s the hardest thing of walking away from, but it’s been super critical in order to shed that unneeded, unwanted energy that’s going in places that’s not serving me. Yeah, I mean, I’ve been on a journey probably the past two years to shed folks one year professionally, next year personally, and really build into the people that I want to be part of my very intentional circle of friends and community and
28:39
I have this friend Gina who always gave this visual about how like you have your people that are your nucleus and then you have different layers outside of that and people can move in and out of the layers, right? And as a visual person, that’s been really good for me as an objective vetting process of who are really my people, again, professionally and personally, and they actually overlap in a lot of cases now, but letting go of relationships that weren’t serving me on either front. And one thing that I’ve learned about myself,
29:08
as a very stubborn human being is that I really like to have the last word. I love it so much. And so as part of the practice of walking away from pretty much all of these folks, it required me to not have the last word because every time I would have any word in response, it would reignite the conversation. And so it was big test, but I think it really has helped me. Like Ann said,
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shed some unnecessary energy and reaction and kind of that fiery-ness, tip for tap, back and forth animosity that happens and just say, you know what? They were right for a season or a period of time or whatever, for whatever reason, but at this point in my life, that doesn’t serve me anymore and I’m just gonna walk away.
30:00
And so that has given me a lot more peace and then a lot more energy to focus on the people that are really important to me and also to pour into the coaching practice. I mean, as a very tactical example, I had people in my life who were taking advantage of free coaching. Yeah. And I had to take a step back and honor my integrity and the integrity of our business and the people that do pay us, not to mention my energy to be able to coach professionally and not really be able to then
30:30
give as much on that side of things. Yeah. I think there’s two points that I want to reinforce from what you said, because I think it’s so important. One is like, not everybody’s feedback is equal or should be taken as equal or even if it even matters or not. at all. At all, yeah. when, and this is the part of me when I was having my triggers when people were saying things that…
30:54
Maybe I didn’t like, or I disappointed people. That’s part of the assessment process is like, how much is their feedback really in pursuit of helping me grow as a person or towards my big thing? And so you’re going to have your own criteria for whose feedback you listen to and why it’s important to listen to it. But just know that not everybody’s feedback is created equal and you don’t have to listen to it and internalize it and absorb it all.
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And so that’s, think, really important. And the other way that I get the last word is I just use an emoji because I’m like that too. I can’t leave the conversation, especially in a texting conversation, of not saying anything back. So I just use an emoji. I feel like that’s my way of closing it out. Love that. That’s my strategy. So you can choose whatever emoji that you want with regards to what kind of conversation you’re having. So mean, there’s a good middle finger one.
31:49
Here’s a good like little like purple guy with the like little like I guess a little monster guy. Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, there’s some really good ones you can use to convey your message. I’ll keep that in mind. There you go. Strategies all over the place. All right. Awesome. I I think, you know, you guys have heard anything in this. You’ve heard that when you lead through your personal brain, you really have an internal compass that can you can count on to guide you.
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And it helps you maintain that consistency and building that trust. And those are all really critical things that you need in order to put you on the path to the big thing. And triggers can get you off the path. They can deviate you from that path. coming back to your personal brand, re-engaging that and becoming aware of where your triggers are disrupting that is going to be so critically important in order to help you achieve your goals and dreams. So I’m going to sum up.
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the strategies again and then I’ll ask April if she has any final comments. She always does. All right. So some strategies for how to overcome triggers. right. First is recognize where your triggers feel in your body. We talked about that. Then question why are you being triggered? Next is fix the mess ups and finally recognize when you trigger others. April some final comments.
33:14
Yeah, I mean, and set up in the very beginning that we recently ran a workshop where this really became a big topic of conversation. And to me, that just emphasizes the importance of getting a handle on your triggers and taking the responsibility for managing them. Because the one thing I hear myself saying all the time to people is the only thing you can manage is your own reaction to something. You can’t manage other people’s behaviors. You can’t manage their response. You can’t, you know, manage what kind of day they’re having.
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So if you don’t manage your triggers, you give up that one piece of control that you have, and then that’s where your personal brand starts to break down. And you can do all the work in the world against your personal brand, but you have even a handful of trigger moments and you can undo all of that hard work. So just be careful and put in the work and make sure that you’re honest with yourself about that fact that the only thing you can manage is your response.
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That’s a really fantastic point. And if you want to know more about that and you want to know more about how to manage triggers and you want some exercises for doing that, then get our book, The Power of Your Personal Brand, A Playbook for Struggling Middle Managers Who Want to Do Big Things. And it’s available on Amazon. And there is a link on our website, ForthRight-People.com. So check that out. And with that, we encourage you to take at least one powerful insight you heard and put it into practice. Cause remember, Strategic Counsel is only effective if you put it into action.
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Did we spark something with this episode that you want to talk about further? Reach out to us through our website, ForthRight-People.com. We can help you customize what you have heard to move your business and make sure to follow or subscribe to Strategic Counsel on your favorite podcast platform.